TV shows are LAZY. That's right-I said it! TV shows are lazy, good-for-nothin', long-haired hippies that need to cut their hair, get off their big fat ass and get BACK TO WORK! Do you think for one second my boss would stand for it if I wrote this column for 22 weeks (or episodes, if you're a TV show) and then suddenly declared, "Well! That's enough for me for one season! I'll see YOU this coming fall!" Believe me, by the end of the business day, I'd be dumpster diving for half-eaten hot dogs. And yet, this week alone, nearly 40 shows are having their "season finales" and will be-for all I know-plopping their lazy b-holes on a beach for the next five months!

* My Name is Earl and The Office (NBC, first and second season finales, 8:40 p.m. and 9:20 p.m., Thursday, May 11). Whoa, whoa ... WHOA! What's up with these weird-ass 40-minute episodes starting at 8:40 and 9:20? This ain't China, my friend! If you're a TV show in AMERICA, you come to work on the hour or half-hour. And don't think for one second you can pull that lame "But I'm working 10 extra minutes" excuse! Shows in THIS COUNTRY last either 30 or 60 minutes-and if you're going to hang around at work after hours, then you better be doing what I do ... surfing porn on the Internet!