The Art Of Negotiating Divorce Settlements

A good divorce is one that is as painless as possible. Sorting the finances out can be a painful part of the divorce process. The cost - both financial and emotional - of court litigation should not be underestimated. The delays in the court system mean that proceedings are often dragged out.

Mediation is an effective way of reaching a resolution. However, often this requires the parties to be open to sitting in a room together and each feeling strong enough to 'hold their own'. This is not always the case. A way round this can be so-called 'shuttle mediation' with the parties (and their solicitors) sitting in different rooms and the mediator going from room to room.

In many cases, however, negotiations between solicitors is the most effective way of resolving financial disputes. These negotiations can often run in tandem with court proceedings or alternative methods of dispute resolution. Choosing a solicitor who is skilled at negotiating is a valuable tool. The advantage for clients is that it can give the necessary emotional distance to facilitate a rational, commercial conversation.

This article is written for the benefit of someone going through a divorce who is contemplating their options. It considers negotiation in a family context - and the divergent factors that are at play.

1. Negotiating with your spouse is not the same as negotiating a commercial deal

   This is a mistake that many people make. Businessmen and women often feel that as they are adept at negotiating deals in a commercial context, they can apply the same techniques when negotiating with their spouse. Unfortunately, this ignores a key factor present in almost all divorce negotiations: emotions. The emotions following a marital breakdown can be raw and unwieldy. Decisions made with an emotional lens are often irrational and uncommercial. Behaviour motivated by anger, bitterness and spite is frequently contrary, counterintuitive and sometimes, odd. It is for this reason that financial negotiations following a divorce are multi-levelled and nuanced.

2. Knowing your spouse

   It therefore follows that a key factor in cutting deals is giving your solicitor a good understanding of precisely how your former spouse ticks. This includes where they 'are at' from an emotional perspective, as well as their personality quirks. Do they always need to say the last word? Do they respond better to flattery or to orders/directions? Do they prefer to be given more options, or fewer? It pays...