Who Will Love My Children?

• Published date: 10 March 2021
• Subject Matter: Family and Matrimonial, Family Law
• Law Firm: Fletcher Day
• Author: Ms Shameela Ahmed

One of the most challenging aspects of any relationship breakdown is how do you minimise the impact of the breakdown upon your children. After all, they will be the ones bearing the force of this critical life decision.

In this article, I will also address the sad reality of children losing a parent/ parents and what steps can be taken to protect the care of your children after your death.

On Relationship break down

You may feel upset and confused by a breakdown, and it is easy to let anger or guilt get in the way. It may help to talk it through with someone who can be sympathetic and keep a clear head such as friends, family, or even a professional mediator/solicitor.

You will need to try and agree on the following points:

1. When and where your children will visit.
2. How the parent living apart can stay in touch in-between visits.
3. How you will settle any disputes in the future to not affect your children.

Separation sadly doesn't always mean the end of arguments, and you may need help with settling disagreements from your breakdown. Once you can put your disagreements aside, you will be able to address more practical issues such as your children's routines and visits. You may need and benefit from some help to finish the argument and draw a line under your relationship as partners so that you can move on to being co-parents. It is important to remember that your children have the right and the need to see both their parents no matter how angry you might be with a parent (provided there are no safeguarding issues).

For your children's confidence and self-esteem, they need to see that both parents care for them. If it is the Father who has left home, and you were married, he would retain parental responsibility for your children. He may also have this if he is named as the Father on the birth certificate, so you could even be an unmarried couple. If the child's Father was given parental responsibility by the court, he does not lose it when you separate. Although you may not see it now, children continuing a relationship with both their parents has real benefits not only for the children but also for you to be able to share parenting responsibilities.

A solicitor can help you navigate these issues with clarity and provide you with guidance where required. Most importantly, they can help you resolve financial matters that sometimes impact how parties deal with children matters. Though they are separate issues, they can impact each other during a relationship...